


Broken promise

by Miyuria



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, Love Triangles, M/M, Mild Gore, Not Beta Read, October 4th Spoilers, POV First Person, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:03:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyuria/pseuds/Miyuria
Summary: Ken has summoned me tonight, during the Dark Hour, at the very place where it all went to shit.As I get ready to leave, thoughts keep invading my mind.(1st person narrative, Shinjiro's POV)
Relationships: Aragaki Shinjiro/Sanada Akihiko, Kirijo Mitsuru/Sanada Akihiko
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Broken promise

**Author's Note:**

> Rated mature because of a somewhat gory scene. Let me know if you think I should push it up or down.

**October 4th, 2009**

The day has come. I'm not going to judge the kid for being sentimental about it, but it makes me wonder if he actually waited this long just for the dates to align.

... No matter, I should get a move on before it gets late. I can't have anyone drag me into the conference room. Today's a full moon, meaning there's an operation planned for tonight.

Everything I owned I left inside the box in my room. Not that I had many possessions to speak of, mind you.

As I'm walking out the door I can hear Mitsuru trying to get Junpei to stop slacking off in the lounge and study before the meeting. Ever the diligent student.

Then again, at least one of us needed to have their priorities straight. Otherwise, this dorm would be so much more chaotic than it already is. I'm not the biggest fan of pointless regulations and norms, but still. I can't even blame it on the mob that makes up SEES now, because things were already a huge mess when it was just her, Aki and me. If it wasn't for Mitsuru, nothing would get done around here.

She is something else. It's really no wonder that Aki is so smitten with her.

That, however, doesn't mean it gets any easier to see his lovestruck face whenever Mitsuru is around.

In all honesty, she deserved better than my stupid jealousy. She's proven herself to be reliable, to have her heart in the right place and to be considerate to others, despite her sheltered upbringing and dealing with far too many people's bullshit at once. She could even be considered the closest thing to a friend I ever had. Even now, she's always kept an eye out for me. She's offered her help, her support and even her limitless money millions of times, whilst respecting every single decision I made.

Therefore, it would be unbecoming of me to resent her for her possessions, as Mitsuru herself would say. I don't have her looks, I'm not the direct heir of a multinational business conglomerate, I don't have servants dressed as maids in every single one of my seaside estates, I'm not consistently top of the class in every exam, I don't keep my cool come what may nor I can't fucking stab a Shadow with a sword and make it look elegant.

It always bugged me that she might even be too perfect to care about a random peasant who has been head over heels for her since the very beginning. Aki used to tell me he didn't have any interest or time for love, or that relationships wouldn't make him any stronger. Apparently, everything changed the second she walked into him at the end of one of his boxing matches and gave him his Evoker.

At first, Aki himself wouldn't even realize it due to his excitement over getting his Persona and fighting Shadows during the Dark Hour. In time though, he'd randomly stumble over his words when addressing her, he started worrying about his appearance and mannerisms all of a sudden, and it even reached a point in which he was shooting me the most completely random questions about love. Unbeknownst to him, I even caught him gawking longingly at her more than once.

For the longest time I tried to accept that he'll never look at me that way. It was real tough to acknowledge that I wouldn't ever have the one thing I had truly wished for. But what did I ever do to be entitled to it, anyway?

Considering, I'm actually relieved that my stupid infatuation with him ended up amounting to nothing.

Heh, my middle-school self would get so pissed if he could hear me now. Hope never dies, they say. Guess what, turns out it does. I never had a chance with him. I was just trying to deceive myself, because clinging to a glimmer of hope wasn't quite as painful as facing the cold, hard truth: that we were not meant to be.

Some would think this is some kind of divine punishment for my hubris. I did rush in without a second thought into this Dark Hour bullshit, after all. I thought myself capable of dealing with all this Tartarus crap. I had no qualms shooting myself in the head with a toy gun. I didn't care I had to use my Persona in order to crush some Shadows. I clearly overestimated myself.

But, in the end, all I wanted was to be next to Aki. It wasn't some sudden surge of heroicism what made me force my way into SEES. I wasn't fighting for humanity's future. I couldn't care less about Kirijo's pet project. I wasn't even trying to fulfill my promise of watching over Aki, no matter what.

No, I was just tagging along because of my senseless fixation on him. In hindsight, the awakening of Castor as my Persona was a huge ass warning of what was to come, but I'm not exactly known for my smarts.

Then again, our story greatly differs from mythology. I know I wasn't to Aki the brave sibling Castor was. I was too preoccupied with lusting over his ass to actually offer him my support whenever he needed me.

And even then, he wouldn't give up on me. Despite my attempts to push him away, he always kept coming back. I kept provoking him, getting into fights, throwing him whatever shit my useless brain decided to produce, yet he'd never fail to come to check on me, to try and convince me to go back into the dorm, to get back into the fight, to disregard what I did as a mere accident.

But I can't. I know it was nothing but my folly what allowed Castor to slip my control. I was too lost in my own mind to get a grip on myself, so my darkest feelings and thoughts took over my Persona. And I won't let anyone to be harmed by my stupidity ever again. Specially Aki. He's lost too much already. His parents. Me. _Miki._

 _-“Shinji, swear you'll never abandon me!”_ Aki's grey eyes looking square into mine, brimming with tears. Pleading to me in between his sobs, his voice completely broken. It's all engraved into my memory.

Which is part of why I can't stand it when he cries. That very scene inevitably ends up playing in my head whenever he starts bawling his eyes out. I can feel my insides being teared apart every time I relive that moment. Aki never forgave himself for being powerless to save his sister.

He keeps trying to convince me that I'm not at fault. That everyone can lose control. That I'd just awakened to my Persona. That I never had the intention to hurt anyone. But the fact remains that he didn't cause the fire, while I caused the death of that woman.

I can't just call it an accident and leave it at that. Every time I close my eyes I see the disfigured, lifeless body of that woman impaled on the horn of Castor's horse, her blood splattered everywhere: on the street, on Castor, some of it even on the kid. The tattered pieces of the clothing she was wearing thrown all over the place. The kid's horrified stare, the way he was trembling, unable to mutter a single word. As I turn to Aki and Mitsuru, I see them both wearing the same appalled expression. Akihiko is completely frozen in place, Mitsuru slowly shrinking back. The obvious disbelief, the fear visible in their eyes. Their words, too, dying on their throats. The only sound is that of our laboured breathing.

By now, I'm used to waking up in a cold sweat because of nightmares of that fateful night. Serves me right, anyway. I am a monster. I orphaned a 9-year-old kid in front of his very own eyes. I'm nothing but a murderer. I don't get to just walk away and forget about it. There's no one but me to blame for what happened two years ago. Regretting what I did for the rest of my life is fair game.

At least, that's what I thought until the kid summoned me at that very place during the Dark Hour.

... I'll be reaching my destination in a minute. I hope I was early enough, the back alleys are not a safe place for a lone kid to hang out. The sooner I give him what he wants, the sooner he can start moving on.

I can only find solace in the fact that my Pollux won't lose his immortality this time.

Believe me, Aki, I had every intention to keep the promise I made to you. But fate had other plans for me.

_I'm sorry, Aki. This is how it should be._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn't too terrible lol.
> 
> This was my very first work ever, so I'd greatly appreciate it if you could leave some feedback. Suggestions, criticism, corrections, complaints, reviews, questions or comments of any kind and length are all welcome. I'd love to know your opinion.
> 
> 1st person strikes me as easier to write for some reason. I blame P4A/P4AU for that lol.
> 
> I'm not a native English speaker, please let me know if some sentences/words are weirdly phrased or just plain wrong.
> 
> Once again, thank you for your time!


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